Premise: Whose Concern Is It?
"Concern is giving a space in your heart to someone other than yourself."
It's about sharing a bit of your time and your life."
"Song Jung-lim"
Scenario: If born in the Joseon Dynasty, they would have been a talented individual with both civil and military skills.
I can definitely hear their thoughts and questions directed towards me. However, I don't anticipate the conversation that follows. It's simply a hollow expression that feels out of place. Individuals who frequently aim to be the center of attention in gatherings often exhibit this kind of 'quick' concern to draw attention to themselves. There's a high probability that the relationship one can expect from someone who asks seemingly caring questions to get attention will ultimately lead to loneliness. That's why I'm wary of those who use such expressions out of context.
"But why don't you talk about me?"
Phenomenon: Concern is confirmed through an observant attitude.
Concern stems from a 'slow' gaze and anticipation. And its aim is to reach an attempt at 'understanding'. Furthermore, the intention to understand is based on respect for the other person. The question, "Can I understand a little bit more?" directed towards oneself makes this possible.
The stubborn leisure of confirming from the other person's perspective
The first investigative reporting visit was to the house of an insider (whistleblower). A meeting was definitely scheduled, and I drove for several hours to arrive at the appointed time. But when I got there, I couldn't reach them. I was certain they lived nearby, but the fact that they weren't at the agreed-upon location meant there was a high chance they had changed their mind.
My senior, bewildered, got angry. He started shouting the person's name while walking through the nearby alleys. This went on for about 10 minutes. Finally, my senior seemed to give up and said, "Let's go," and started walking towards the car. Then, I suggested that I wait for 5 more minutes, call them once more, and if they still didn't answer, we'd leave. My senior calmed down a bit and started waiting calmly in front of the convenience store. 5 minutes later, the person answered the phone.
In fact, the person who had agreed to the interview was probably the most anxious. Even if they covered their face and voice, they were probably afraid that their identity might be revealed due to the context of their relationship. While the interview was only for a short period, no one knew how long the subsequent changes would affect their life, and no one would take responsibility for it. The person knew that, but the reporting team didn't care. How conscience-striking would those 10 minutes of commotion created by my senior have been for that person? Most likely, they had anticipated this before agreeing, and when they finally faced the moment, they probably stiffened up. So, silence could simply be a refusal, but it also seemed likely that it was just a moment of hesitation.
For my senior, who knew the entire schedule and context of the reporting, the success of the interview was probably the most important thing. As a newbie, I was simply more aware of the person's bewilderment at that time.
Therefore, it seemed appropriate to suggest 5 minutes to calmly check why they had agreed to the interview in the first place.
Thoughts: Whether they are curious about what I'm usually like
Perhaps due to the field research methodology that strives to observe the most natural aspects of everyday life, I find myself first questioning the intention behind someone's 'quick' concern towards me. I often get asked if I don't trust people easily, but thanks to this, I've become a little more simple in dealing with others in relationships and have been able to prevent unnecessary energy consumption in relationships more effectively than before.
For this reason, concern is energy and vitality for me. Keep your gaze slow, and postpone judgments and evaluations to the very end. This simple yet clear standard of action is like one of the few crystallized fruits of growth that I have gained while living.
The way to become friends with stray cats or large dogs is to stay near them.
Even if you make eye contact, just stay a little longer or approach them gradually until you confirm they are comfortable. Showing concern through the attitude of looking because you care. I hope you experience this subtle, proactive effect once.
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