Conversations with whistleblowers encountered in public places, conversations attempted with patients during undercover reporting, and conversations with lodging owners near the coast affected by an oil spill have consistently revealed one clear fact.
The fact that individuals always engage in conversations with their own unique breath and rhythm.
Silence itself carries meaning, and the gaze directed at me before answering a question also conveyed a message. And it wasn't easy to imagine the context of the situation and the relationship hidden behind this unfamiliar conversational rhythm.
For this reason, when meeting people through interviews, the ultimate goal within the given, limited time has become 'building a relationship that allows for the most honest conversation' at some point.
Certainly, the most prominent and appealing aspect from a professional standpoint lies in verifying 'specific statements'. However, posing follow-up questions related to specific messages or products ultimately constitutes the biggest mistake in obscuring the possibility of hearing honest responses in a natural setting.
After all, humans are accustomed to lying. The person in front of us is not someone we can control either. Therefore, the ultimate conversation skill can be described as the attitude of listening attentively, considering even the other person's breathing as part of the conversation, until they are ready to reciprocate my response (while attempting to create a smile, even if it's a fake one, to change my expression).
And occasionally, insightful content emerges as a result.
We can only gather that.
And one more truly fascinating point. In this post, I haven't even touched upon the other person's reaction to acknowledging the attitude of listening, i.e., the other person's experience that forms the dynamics of the conversation. Imagine this for a moment.
What if someone outside, with an attitude of listening, asks a 'serious question that overwhelms one's existence' that has been trapped only in the other person's mind, or a question that brings to mind a 'small moment in everyday life' that they haven't particularly paid attention to before? How would that feel, that sudden, intimate moment created together?
Why don't you try checking it out for yourself in your conversations with the people you meet today?
- The lack of listening accounts for 40% of communication failures.
Harvard Business Review. (2016). Why Aren't You Listening?
- Leaders who are good listeners achieve 26% higher team performance.
Gartner. (2019). Successful Leaders Demonstrate These 5 Behaviors.
- Employees who are good listeners in conversations with customers have 40% higher customer satisfaction.
McKinsey. (2020). The business value of customer experience.
- A leader's listening ability improves employee engagement by 35%. (Gallup, 2017)
Gallup. (2017). The Right Culture: Not Just About Employee Satisfaction.
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