The Order of Mutual Understanding: Experiences You Should Have When Young - 1

Premise: Self-criticism for a healthy self?

"If you want to achieve something important, self-satisfaction is a terrible trap."
"Amancio Ortega, founder of ZARA"

Situation: Dozens of participants in their thirties, forties, and fifties VS a single speaker in their twenties

It was actually embarrassing. In a Clubhouse room, an audio-based social media platform designed to reflect and address the difficulties in intergenerational communication, the ratio of participants willing to speak was dozens to one. The only young woman in her twenties who dared to speak was struggling to express her opinion while maintaining politeness in the face of this disparity. Her intended flow of speech was constantly interrupted by the continuous reactions of the older generation(?).

Then, a celebrity in their forties took the conversation to its peak of imbalance. The woman in her twenties, who had been explaining why communication with parents or superiors at work was difficult, seemed to take a breath. Even though she was participating in the conversation from her own space, using only her voice, dozens of people were publicly listening to her in real-time. Faced with the reactions of the older generation, who seemed unwilling to back down, delivering a logically sound opinion representing the younger generation seemed difficult. In the silence that followed, as if she was organizing her next point,

"I totally understand. So...this is what you mean?"

This person continued to simplify the conversation from the perspective of someone in their twenties, equating it to their own experiences and feelings. Adding their experiences as a celebrity in their teens and twenties and the contents of a book they recently read, they insisted that those in their twenties should experience a lot. Concluding with, \"So, don't be afraid, try various things, and never give up, I support you,\" their statement seemed quite sincere. After the turn of the speaking right, the summary and confirmation from the hosts (in their 40s and 50s) followed, and the woman in her twenties remained silent. The adults’ comments continued, such as, \"Now I understand the position of the younger generation. It is so good that this opportunity for frank conversation has been created, and I am grateful to the hosts who organized this event.\" After listening for over ten minutes, the woman in her twenties cautiously spoke.

"Um... what I've been trying to convey... seems to be misunderstood..."

"Oh, really? What is it..."

"What I was trying to say is..."

Another moment of silence followed, and the celebrity in their forties took the conversation again.

"I totally understand. So..."

The same cycle repeated several times.

Phenomenon: Whose empathy? Is the judgment of understanding the other appropriate?

The phenomenon of the difficulty of intergenerational communication was already being demonstrated in real-time within the chat room.

'Understanding' is a delusion. It is actually an impossible human goal.

In many relationships, the expression 'understanding' frequently appears in conflict situations such as, \"I thought you would understand me,\" \"You should have understood me,\" and \"I understand you.\" Because this presupposes \"I can understand,\" it often becomes an incomplete and intangible standard in disputes about expectations and qualifications for understanding the other party.

However, people cannot originally understand each other. According to Heidegger, humans are thrown into the world. We didn't know whether we would be born into a family created by our parents in South Korea, in different worlds. We woke up to a country, a world of families, and had to adapt to rules, values, and regulations that shape those worlds. Through our experiences in school, work, and communities as we grow, we discover ourselves and experience what makes us unique in different ways. Therefore, the best a human being can do is not \"to understand,\" but \"to constantly strive to understand.\"

In consulting projects, the most crucial step is for both sides to clearly acknowledge what they know and don't know at the outset. Acknowledging the present situation is essential for quickly and effectively identifying problems and finding solutions. In relationships, starting with 'I know' often only masks underlying conflicts, widening the rift as time goes on; resolution becomes impossible once resentment deepens.

Therefore, starting the conversation with 'I cannot understand the other person' and avoiding seemingly impossible judgments can make things clearer over time and reveal opportunities to understand the other person better.

The celebrity in their forties, the hosts, and many others who participated in the conversation, considering themselves relatively older, should reflect on whether they burdened the younger woman by assuming they understood her situation before the conversation even began. Did they create an uncomfortable tension during the response and opinion-giving process?

Advice: Does it start with the other person's permission or request?

In relationships involving seeking and giving advice, the first thing that needs to be confirmed is the permission of the person seeking advice. Advice always begins with an assessment of the other person's current situation. Assessment is rarely a pleasant experience. Moreover, assessments based on distorted or insufficient information almost always fail to achieve their initial purpose, creating only uncomfortable tension.

The woman in her twenties was simply trying to explain her position at the request of the adults. However, the celebrity in their forties interrupted this flow and offered their opinion, which may have been inappropriate or unnecessary from the other person's perspective. This could be perceived as a lack of consideration or respect for the other person. In situations where advice is sought and given, the subject of the conversation is 'the life of the person seeking advice'. Considering for whom the advice is intended, the celebrity in their forties may have pretended to care about the other person, but ultimately gave their opinion to satisfy themselves, repeatedly enjoying their own satisfaction and then withdrawing.

Generation, not age, but people living in the same era

The premise confirmed in the conversation is that \"my twenties and your twenties were equally difficult.\" However, the point to be reconsidered here is that \"the change of times\" is strictly placed between the two twenties. Viewed through the process of national growth, during the post-war period when buildings were constructed, highways were built, and capital was invested in national infrastructure industries, the wage increase rates for workers and standards for home ownership were more stable than those in the current era of saturated growth. In contrast, considering that currently, opportunities to earn money are concentrated in speculative investments such as real estate and Bitcoin across all generations from their twenties to their fifties and sixties, the flow of each era can be considered the key standard that defines the characteristics of each generation.

Age is just a number. Today's twenty-somethings experienced a fiercely competitive adolescence, and even after entering university in their twenties, they had to focus on managing their grades for employment. The comfort from parents that said \"Go to university and then you can do whatever you want\" disappeared decades ago. How can those in their forties and fifties, who haven't lived through the intense teens and twenties of this generation, claim to understand their present situation and consider their current shortcomings as natural? This kind of misconception may be something they should be ashamed of.

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